Season 6 - Week 9

Our regular analyst can't be bothered this week, so as we go into the all important final week of the season it's left to his reluctant understudy to fill the sizeable gap (weight wise at least) left in his absence. You'll notice the difference in style this week - firstly that this will probably be a lot shorter than usual, second that I'm going to try and avoid the awful puns and attempts at humour which tend to litter the regular analysis.

First though, another reminder that our glorious leader has decreed it's three up, three down from each league this season, which I'd no doubt be complaining about bitterly if it effected me, but since I'm sitting where I pretty much always am, towards the top half of the top league, it doesn't. It does seem like an Americanised system to make sure that everyone has something to play for right through to the end, which kind of makes me wonder why they bother with the league at all, but hey?

Anyway, some people will be looking for some big results to get them out of trouble this week. I'm not going to bother going through league by league or trying to do any clever maths, but Nick Lines, Ben Gould, Matt Haywood and Andrew Wickett all need to do something impressive to bridge the two point gap between them and safety and Jimmy Smith (3.1 away) and John Fields (3.92 away) both need minor miracles. Special mention should go to Ben Drury as well, who is well over 3 points adrift at the bottom of the Pineapple League - I'm not sure if he's going to get relegated further down the table when the new draft come in in a couple of weeks, but he's fast securing his place alongside the likes of James Holland, Ian Booth and of course poor old Steve Reeve as one of the all-time consistently bad weekend predictors.

I guess we should mention those seeking glory as well, even though that's not nearly as much fun. The top league is as close as you like between David Rosser and old boy Tim Lines. Rosser is trying to cement his position way out in-front of the All-Time League with his first Pele Title (they don't remember consistency, just what you've won) where Lines, previously the Phil Neville of the family, will be seeking to emulate his brother (previous two time winner of the Pele) by taking home some silverware. We'll be watching their picks with interest. That excitement aside, there's still all to play for in the Maradona as well, with Messrs Lewis and Gurd both still realistically in with a shot of the championship - though both will be gracing the Pele next season, barring an absolute miracle of picking from those in mid-table. The Gary Lineker League sees the unlikely figure of James Holland (a man who spent seasons rooted to the bottom of the All-Time League) sitting pretty, though Jake Jones can still harbour dreams of overturning him. Again it looks highly likely that those two will be going up, along with Darren Clare, though Jonathan Dunk could still put a finger out and upset the party. Martin Malone surely has the Paul Dickov League sown up, though there is still a four way fight for that now all-important third promotion spot - Trevor Gibbons, Paul Kinsella, Tim Hughes and even Nik Simms will all be gazing longingly at the perma-tanned exterior of Gary Lineker (League). Down in The Pineapple League, Matt Bailey should win and David Willshire and Roy Hanvey should be joining him in promotion - but then who knows, unexpected things always happen in this final week, so why not now?

OK, that's it from your faithful substitute scribe - normal (i.e. rubbish) service to be resumed next week. Good luck all (except Gibbo)?

The Rat